The One

Day 58: Saturday. It was a celebration of sorts. It was the day, 7 years ago, that he told me that he loved me. It was an incredible day in my life that I will never forget.

He told me a few days ago, that it was the best thing that he ever did -- telling me that he loved me. It started our life together.

While we were driving on Saturday, he reached over and grabbed my hand and said that he loved me. The way that he said it took me right back to that night.

I really feel his love again. I feel like he is here, maybe for the first time since we were married. I'm so, so, so very sad over what we have lost but so hopeful for what we have to gain. I really love this man that I married. He is incredible in so many ways.

I have always been in love with him but I feel like these days I am back to a place where I am constantly falling in love with him over and over again.

It is a good place to be.

Day 59: Sunday. We had a fun weekend with two family dinners. When we went to bed last night we were disappointed with how fast it had gone and how busy it had been, though. We made up for it as best as we could by snuggling and making (really great) love!

He makes me feel really amazing.

Day 60: My husband was reading some things today about an unfaithful husband who doesn't quite know what triggers his wife. He looked at me and told me that he knows. He knows what triggers me and when I trigger. I am pretty sure that he not only knows the subjects that do it but maybe even the look that seems like I still cannot hide when it happens. Either way, I am glad that he makes it a point to be there for me when it happens. Whether it's a hug or an arm around my waist, he never lets me go through it alone.

Today was a pretty simple day. Got up, relaxed, I moaned about the five inches of snow that fell overnight and who knows how much more is to come, we did a few chores around the house and then my husband left for work.

He usually calls me when he gets to work but today he called me on his way. We were talking and then suddenly he said, "The car is sideways. I'm gonna crash. I'm gonna crash." and then I heard that awful sound of crushing metal. I went into shock for a second and then asked if he was ok (he was talking to me on an ear piece) and he replied that he was. It is all a bit foggy and drawn out but other than some whiplash (and a bruised ego) I think he is ok. I cannot tell you how relieved I was after I knew he was ok. It was the worst feeling for that split second not knowing. It brings tears to my eyes.

God is good.

Our van needs work, we have to replace carseats, and there are deductibles to pay but, ya know, it's just money. Money that we are not dying with anyways. I won't lie, I'm bummed that we will be strapped for Christmas, since I had planned to buy him something kind of expensive, but it's ok. I will get my creative juices flowing and find some great to make him.


He seems to be taking it a lot harder than I am. Every time I talked to him today he sounded really depressed. I feel terrible. I am hoping that I can cheer him up tonight. I think this is a bit more than he can handle right now, considering that he is already dealing with his mistakes.

Perhaps, I'll give him a back rub. It's been a long time since I've done that for him.

Today made me think about how we really get through this. How we have always gotten through everything. How we have the strength to fight for our marriage. How we will allocate the money to cover the added expenses. How we still find beauty in our marriage after all of this heartache. How we will look back in time and see this accident as a blip on our radar. How we still find laughter in our home in spite of all of the sadness. How, no matter what it is, we always find a way. How we still have each other. How we still have love.

It is because of our God. Our Savior. Our Comforter and Provider. He always picks us back up. He always brushes us off and gives us the courage to keep going. He is the One who gets us through. He is the One that gives us our strength.

He always gets us through. He always will.

305 days. Lord there is none like You.