Springtime

Day 167: He woke up sick and I let him sleep until mid morning. I could tell that he wasn't feeling well.

That was confirmed less than an hour later when he came into the kitchen and told me that he had called off for the day.

Strangely I was feeling quite motivated and by now had already browned some ribs and put them into the slow cooker and was working on stuffed chicken breasts for lunch. Don't really know what got into me but no one was complaining.

I didn't end up getting any sewing done since he was home. We just sat around most of the day until after dinner. He was feeling a bit better and stir crazy so he suggested we go for a drive. I know, I know that's kinda against the rules of calling off but he did lay around most of the day so...

We ended up going to a craft store to let the kids (and me) pick out some things to work on. They got some buttons to practice threading and sewing and I found some lovely fabric to make my girls matching dresses for the summer.

Towards the end of the trip I noticed that he was getting really worn out so we left and went straight home. We put the babies to bed and then sat together and watched a movie. I actually stayed awake for the entire movie, which is the first time in longer than I can remember.

Day 168: Well, it looks like we are all getting sick...again. I am hoping that it is short this time. I am going to go to the Health Food Store tomorrow and pick up some things. I cannot go through what I just went through a few weeks ago. I cannot do it right now.

He was feeling worse today than yesterday but went to work anyways. Not before taking our little man to get a haircut though. His birthday is coming up -- I cannot believe that he is going to be four -- and every year since his second birthday we have cut his hair (yes, that's only three haircuts in his time). He has the most gorgeous curly locks but they are getting long and in his eyes and thick and it was time. This year though he went to the barber and got a little boy cut.

Ahhh, my husband brought him home and I could have cried. It wasn't as shocking this time, and he is still as cute as a bug, but I always miss it. He's is such a handsome little man. I am super sad that I forgot to ask my husband to bring me a lock home so that I could put it in the little box with his other locks though. I can't think about it too much or I'll cry.

I'm not feeling as overwhelmed today but I know that it can change in an instant. I need to break out of this depression...I just don't know how and it's maddening. I don't know how to move forward and start getting better again when I am stuck in this deep place within myself. Springtime cannot come fast enough. Right now it's my only idea -- more sunlight, fresh air and flowers.

197 days. Springtime.