Today my little girl was running around one room over and I heard the smile on her face and in her heart when she said, "I'm so happy!". I don't know what was going on or what her big brother had just done but the joy that filled my soul when I heard that was almost tangible.
I thought to myself how my husband probably longs for that day and that feeling. How he is striving, not only to fix himself but, to help me fix me. I told him tonight that I feel like I am reaching a breaking point again and he said, "Well, I'll do whatever I need to do to help you get through it. I love you." I appreciate that he does not try to talk me out of how I am feeling. That he just takes it for what it is and faces it head on. As much as he longs for that day, I do too. I want to be "so happy!". I want my heart to smile again. I want to have peace again. I can't wait to have that for myself and my babies. I cannot wait to give that joy to my husband.
I have more tears than I know what to do with anymore. I cry everyday. In the past when I have heard people say that I always thought that it must take an incredibly depressed and hopeless person to cry everyday. Now, here I sit, crying everyday. Hmmm. Guess, I never thought it would be me.
We watched a movie last night and there was a quote that struck me.
No matter how much you change you still have to pay the price for the things you've done. So I got a long road.
I was sitting next to my husband and we both just shook our heads.
Day 240. We're in this together.
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