A Better Place

Day 132: He's been incredible.

I have a large order and then some other small orders that I need to get out and he has been so good at keeping me level headed about it. He even told me today that he will help me get them all organized and ready to ship.

I feel like we have been treading water for so long but that we were getting stronger while we were and now that we are back on dry land we are seeing the rewards of it. When I sit here and think about our life now -- our life 132 days into this -- I see a whole new outlook. I see that he is in a different place. A better place. A place where he has learned to love himself (if only a little at a time) and can now love me.

Some days I am confident that he will never cheat again. That his eyes (and heart) are open now and he sees the destruction and heartbreak. Some days I even think he knows how much it would hurt him if he cheated again. Those are the days when I feel the best. The most secure. The most ready to let go of a little more of this.

Other than our rough night a few days ago I've had a pretty good string of days lately. I think these are among the first happy days strung together. Four months ago I honestly believed that I would never feel good again. I honestly believed that. I couldn't see past my tears let alone the pain. I think I'm...healing!

Tomorrow is our Valentine's Day.

233 days. I have butterflies thinking about our first one together...