Day 99: Thursday night (after having already been sick for almost 3 whole days) it hit me really hard. I couldn't keep any food or drink in me. I woke up Friday morning and it was more of the same. I tried drinking some water but not even that would stay in my stomach. Oh my. I have not been that sick in a long time.
By Friday evening I had lost 6 pounds in the previous two days but I was able to hold in some Miso soup. Praise the Lord for that suggestion from my friend. I ate a few small servings of that throughout the afternoon and evening and just tried to take it as easy as possible.
Day 100: He told me the night before to sleep in and he would take care of the babies. And so...I did. I slept (off and on) until 11:30. It felt really good. I woke up feeling much better but very weak from the four days before. I had hardly eaten and now had lost seven pounds -- my husband informed me that there are better ways to lose weight...HA! By now though, I was going crazy so against my better judgment I got up and started cleaning the mess that had become of my house. I did overdo it a bit I didn't overdo it to the point of getting sick again, but it put me in a better mood.
We arranged for some family to come over and watch the babies so that we could go out and look at a van. We are trying so desperately to find something inexpensive but reliable so that we can still have plenty of money to move to Hawaii. The endeavor has been nothing short of challenging, stressful, and at times hopeless. So we took the littlest baby with us to look at what turned out to be a lemon. Boo. It was a long -- cold -- day but we came home and made dinner for our family guests and then spent the evening playing cards, chatting, and laughing our heads off.
Day 101: The nightmares are back and they are BAD. I had the worst one so far and it was with me all day. When I told my husband that I had a nightmare and he asked me what it was about I could not even make myself say it out loud. We both agreed that we need to pray every night for peaceful sleep.
It was a lazy but productive day. I folded and he put away Mount Laundry. I tackled some other things that really needed attention and he spent some of the day looking at vans that both turned out to be duds. Ugh, I hate car shopping. We ended the night watching a movie with the kids and then we watched a few things and went to bed too.
I mentioned to him that lately (and not just while I was sick) I feel like he has been less affectionate to me. He said that it is hard to feel rejected and I have not been very receptive lately so he was keeping some distance. I told him that I have suffered the ultimate rejection (though typing that now I realize that's not true because he didn't walk away on the arm of another woman but...) and that I am still here trying. I still put my heart on the line despite the hurt I feel. He also said that he didn't feel like I wanted him close. I explained to him that when I am down and feeling insecure that is, more than ever, when I need to feel like he cares about me and wants me. I think before I was even finished telling him what I had to say he had already gotten it. It had already clicked. I really hope now that I am over this stomach bug that we can resume our normal routine and that things will start looking up again.
Day 102: A lazy Monday. I caught up on some overdo orders this morning with help from my husband cutting and labeling packages for me. It was such a sweet gesture when he walked to the other end of the house to help without me asking him. I still have a lot of work to catch up on but...one day at a time, right? A girl can only do so much.
The last week went by in a haze. I am feeling much better though and I have a lot of hope that things are going to take a turn for the better. My posts are lacking but I wanted to document a few things that I do remember from the last several days, though I cannot remember exactly when they happened.
*We were all (all five of us) laying in bed one morning and I said, "This is nice." He responded by saying, "This is what it's all about." I agree with him.
*I was woken up almost every morning in the last week with a foot rub.
*My husband was really, really patient with the babies while I was sick and even more patient with me.
*I got upset a few times this weekend. Once he said, "I know you are upset and I don't know what to do but I am trying to react correctly." (Wow.) Another time he said, "I am reacting just like I did before and I can't do that anymore." (Another wow.) There were a few other things that he said that were as equally as hopeful that he is really working hard to overcome this hurdle.
263 days. On the mend.
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