Day 182: I woke up after having a nightmare that a man had just blown my toes off after shooting me and was now demanding $5400 for my life from my mother and she would not cooperate. He was ready to shoot me as I was pleading with him, in front of my husband and children, to think about my family. The police were there are were going right along with his antics. Wha?!?!

That pleasant mood that I woke up in (<---- can you hear the sarcasm dripping from that?) was quickly replaced with a flood of sadness when I remembered what day it was.

I've been dreading this day. Maybe from the day that I knew I would stay, but if not, from very early on. Today marks six months. Six months of sadness, loneliness, insecurity, uncertainty, betrayal, confusion, brokenness, hurt. Six months of fighting and trying and winning and losing. Six months of living with a broken heart. Today also was the "sobriety" day that we (I) celebrated every year. Every year with cards and praise and a big to do to anyone who would listen. I had such pride. There is so much emptiness in today.

Someday I might be able to move forward and celebrate his new sobriety day but for now it just seems so lost on me.

183 days. Someday (<---- link)