His Love

Day 173: What a terrible day.

I woke up the worst mood after having two nightmares that left me feeling like I hadn't slept. I was a huge grouch all day. My poor babies got the short end of the stick and by last night I was just ready to start over.

He was remarkably patient with me despite my foul mood. I can't wait until this is over. What does that even mean? I typed it out and then thought about it. It's never all going to be over. It's never going to go away. So sad. I guess this is the new me and while I hate that I am learning to accept it. I never wanted to accept it and yet here I am knowing that this is what I have to work with now. It kills me.

While so much of me has been put back together there are still more shattered pieces than I can count. I just want to be whole again. I just want to be me again. Not this me. The old me. The happy me.

Day 174: He let me sleep and sleep and sleep. I woke up at nearly eleven o'clock. I hadn't realize quite how tired I was until I woke up feeling refreshed. When he brought the baby back in to me at nine I thought that I would just nurse her and leave her in bed asleep like I normally do. Not until I woke up still next to her did I realize that I had even fallen back asleep.

I had a productive day today and I feel pretty good despite the fact that Mount Laundry has once again peaked. This time on my couch though. I was going to fold it tonight but I holed up in my sewing room to get a few things finished. He said that if I folded he would put it away so I really should get motivated. OYE. If I ever got rich I'd hire a housekeeper. It's the one thing that no matter how hard I try it just does not come naturally.

In other news I got a lovely gift in the mail from a friend today and it made my day. She surprised me with a handmade quilt in my favorite colors and with my favorite flower. It's nice to feel loved -- and I do!

Tomorrow I am keeping the car and the babies and I are going out shopping with a few of our favorite people. It should be fun! I'm excited to get out of routine tomorrow! I wish my husband could come with us. I always miss him more when I'm out without him.

191 days. His Love Will Conquer All (<----)