Paperwork

Day 177: I have no idea what happened. I cannot remember still. We fought all day though.

I eventually dragged myself out of the house with him and we took the babies to the park where we had a blast. I really needed some fresh air.

After the park we went to the ice cream stand and all of us had a treat. 

Day 178: We cleaned! He did so much while I putzed around and got some things done as well. He went through most of our paperwork and organized it. It's been far too long.

Every now and then I was looking though some of the things that were on the table. Too much of it made me sad. Old calendars (that I keep for the babies milestones) have sobriety days and "business dinners" and trips back home scattered throughout. I finally had to tell myself to stop looking through.

It all hurts too much. I feel like I am losing my mind (or I am pushing so much away so that i don't have to feel it all).

187 days. When will I be free?